who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize