I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
