I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
