I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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