i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
