Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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