just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
