Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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