shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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