i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
