I just pynch a tree in the face
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
