god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
