Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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