Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
