Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
