toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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