Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
