I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
