When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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