the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened