Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  I should injure you considerably.

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  (847): And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so. (1-847): I should injure you considerably. http://tfl.nu/3r9j
  Replies (86) Good night (4158) Bad night (1705)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now

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  (416): She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now http://tfl.nu/59pg
  Replies (64) Good night (1215) Bad night (6844)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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  (484): Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd. http://tfl.nu/wjyh
  Replies (33) Good night (3803) Bad night (1240)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?

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  (303): Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen? http://tfl.nu/jc7g
  Replies (35) Good night (4910) Bad night (1264)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.

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  (518): i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that. http://tfl.nu/4wam
  Replies (1) Good night (1005) Bad night (2650)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes

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  (519): he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes http://tfl.nu/rvmv
  Replies (13) Good night (1144) Bad night (4095)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage

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  (724): Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage http://tfl.nu/yt67
  Replies (19) Good night (3274) Bad night (1144)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...

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  (304): Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof... http://tfl.nu/amda
  Replies (4) Good night (1171) Bad night (1722)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place

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  (814): She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place http://tfl.nu/x3gi
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (792)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.

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  (478): He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him. http://tfl.nu/w7kg
  Replies (7) Good night (2170) Bad night (740)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.

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  (937): My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you. http://tfl.nu/3o9h
  Replies (4) Good night (2893) Bad night (719)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!

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  (314): also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!! http://tfl.nu/6chb
  Replies (17) Good night (1366) Bad night (680)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.

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  (928): It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner. http://tfl.nu/2dny
  Replies (6) Good night (1205) Bad night (516)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"

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  (902): You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot" http://tfl.nu/alep
  Replies (5) Good night (1370) Bad night (457)
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  (607): View more from New York

  I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.

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  (607): I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs. http://tfl.nu/nmbl
  Replies (4) Good night (1014) Bad night (446)

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