Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...

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(208): this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer... http://tfl.nu/pqdq

Replies (16) Good night (1108) Bad night (3185)
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(510): View more from California

im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.

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(510): im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife. http://tfl.nu/itl3

Replies (10) Good night (3751) Bad night (956)
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(310): View more from California

I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.

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(310): I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets. http://tfl.nu/76ec

Replies (16) Good night (808) Bad night (2852)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.

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(313): Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you. http://tfl.nu/ll2r

Replies (39) Good night (872) Bad night (3639)
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(410): View more from Maryland

she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.

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(410): she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night. http://tfl.nu/m7fi

Replies (5) Good night (2562) Bad night (1092)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?

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(862): I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this? http://tfl.nu/11gl

Replies (3) Good night (923) Bad night (4029)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."

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(412): It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus." http://tfl.nu/ftkz

Replies (4) Good night (2249) Bad night (718)
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(434): View more from Virginia

This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.

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(434): This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened. http://tfl.nu/f3s1

Replies (4) Good night (2305) Bad night (1213)
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(661): View more from California

I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.

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(661): I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now. http://tfl.nu/5tlj

Replies (2) Good night (1423) Bad night (599)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.

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(412): I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised. http://tfl.nu/nqg7

Replies (9) Good night (2013) Bad night (1052)
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(574): View more from Indiana

Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.

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(574): Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time. http://tfl.nu/00ef

Replies (2) Good night (494) Bad night (354)
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(319): View more from Iowa

Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??

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(319): Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE?? http://tfl.nu/27co

Replies (4) Good night (644) Bad night (507)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(

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(613): I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:( http://tfl.nu/jd5u

Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (265)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.

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(617): the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it. http://tfl.nu/pyx3

Replies (3) Good night (1272) Bad night (365)
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(425): View more from Washington

The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.

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(425): The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house. http://tfl.nu/wynr

Replies (4) Good night (540) Bad night (336)

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