So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
