Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.