ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches