We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
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I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
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It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.