the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
