I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
