My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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