I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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