I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
