Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
