I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
