He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
