I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
