woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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