Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
