Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
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Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
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Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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