Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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