my sisters under your porch take her home
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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