Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
