I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
