Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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