Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
