Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
