How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
