i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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