oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
