You smell like stripper and shame
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
