I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
