I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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