no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
