There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
