So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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