her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i need some magic done to my vagina
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So vagazzling was a success
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
