No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
