TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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