I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
