I think I won the penis lottery.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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