I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
