I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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