Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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