Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
