So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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