The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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