Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
