I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
