this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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