Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize