no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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