1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
