My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I supernannyed him into submission
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
