Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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