So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
