grandma shit on top of the toilet
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
