totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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